For someone with a sometimes crippling proclivity toward perfectionism, I am a total mess. I didn’t really know to classify this anywhere other than in the “bad luck” category until I met Rob, who pointed out that when it comes to your everyday little things, I don’t ever seem to think before I move. More so, even after having this pointed out, I haven’t learned my lesson.
Last night I got home from work and Rob goes, “There something you want to tell me?” I honestly couldn’t think of anything. Had I left the avocado pit in the disposal again? Did I let that protein shake dry on the spoon again?
Then I looked over at the brand new lucite coffee table, and where I’d tried to put a coaster down to hide the giant wax spill I made 4 hours earlier. Doomsday.
“You didn’t, say, do that thing where you whip the candle around to try and spill wax onto the wick instead of blowing it out like a normal person, did you?” he gently suggested, while trying not to laugh. “That thing we talked about? Swisha, swisha? On the new coffee table? And all over the books?”
I looked at the candle before doing this, I did. I could have just blown it out. But it’s mug-shaped. I couldn’t help myself. Wax… everywhere.
[Work from home uniform, guys. Do they still sell Da Nang pants? Does anyone still buy them?]
I don’t blow on hot things before eating or drinking them. Ever. I don’t walk slowly with full cups. I never lean over the plate to take a bite. I clip my shoulder on door frames on the reg. I drop the pizza flat on its face inside the oven. I wipe my hands on my shirt and pants when they’re dirty, instead of using a napkin. I take shoes off without unlacing them and feel ankle tendons ripping. Forcing a burp then barfing in my mouth. The other day, I started kicking snow off some tulip sprouts (thinking I was helping) and murdered them all before Rob had a chance to go, “Whoa, easy pumpkin!” It goes on. And some are signature moves.
Quick & Unlucky—a new film about people who always cover their food in salt because they don’t check to see if the top is on the shaker first.
I don’t think it’s carelessness. But I wouldn’t put it past me. I more think it’s a shortcut mechanism that’s been flooded somewhere along the line by a long stretch of good luck. I’m always rushed.
In the wise words of Nigel, the turncoat with the golden curls in Top Secret!, said from within the backside of the cow suit: “What’s the hurry?! Why are we always in such a bloody rush?”
See I’m not actually really going anywhere with this, I just have always wanted to post that video here.